During my knee induced layoff I’ve been pondering my rather meagre cycling achievements. Since what I now like to refer to as ‘my riding prime’ pre-dated the digital age its highly unlikely that my best results from my racing days are recorded anywhere except in my fading memories. Past glories such as my heroic third place in the St.Albans charity fun ride 1984 will remain forever unrecorded for posterity. (Long lone breakaway, agonisingly caught within sight of the finish by two wheel sucking charlatans who had the gall to out sprint me in case you’re wondering. Yes it still hurts over thirty years later……)

There is now however a way to leave ones mark in cycling cyberspace. A way to cement your place amongst your two-wheeled peers. Strava will be my final effort to make my minor mark on local cycling statistics. I’ll be the first to admit that the cut and thrust of chasing category points in road races is now way beyond me, the level of bike handling skill and commitment required to race off-road frankly terrifies me and thinking about the pain threshold needed to make a mark in time trialling makes me feel slightly nauseous ………..

Since 2009 weekend warriors, casual riders and even some pro’s have been uploading their rides to Strava.com for all to see. Now everyone knows who is really fastest up the local killer climb or bravest on that tricky descent with the blind hairpin of certain doom at the bottom. Rumours of cheating and scandal akin to the worst excesses of the professional peloton abound with lurid tales of setting segment times on mopeds or hanging on to builders vans up hills doing the rounds on the internet gossiping forums.

The trick as ever will be setting a realistic goal given my lack of both physical prowess and time available to devote to the challenge. Luckily the great thing about Strava is the vast multitude of segments within easy reach. After finally remembering my password and user name a quick check of the last road ride I remembered to log reveals than over the course of a gentle 40 mile bimble round the local lanes your intrepid scribe crossed a grand total of 35 different segments.

Unfortunately my average placing on the Strava leaderboard seems to put me anywhere between 700th to 1000th fastest on some of the most popular sections, with the time gap between me and the top 10 or so being the cycling equivalent of the last ice age. There are however some less popular segments on some of those Cheshire lanes less travelled where there is a glimmer of hope for me.

Starting just a few miles from my front door there’s a 2.4 mile segment that’s ideal for my purposes. It’s relatively flat, not to busy and I can include it easily in any road ride I start from Carthorse Towers. Currently my best effort of 7.10 mins at 20.3ml/h  puts me 77th out of 991 riders who have posted a time on it. To get into the top ten I need to shave 46 secs of that P.B. and get down to 6.24. To wrestle the K.O.M (King of the Mountain) title away from a chap called Ben I need another 23 secs. Sounds attainable with a bit of application and effort? well, yes probably if I was the sort of disciplined disciple of the kind of super structured training regime you find in ‘Winter Training Special Edition’ sorts of cycling magazine. You know the sort of publication I’m talking about, stuffed full of interval session plans and tips on self massage that doesn’t finish with anything resembling a happy ending. Pages of recipes that would only appeal to some sort of deranged cosmopolitan rabbit who had a constipation problem.

Anyway I digress, the first problem is that 7.10 P.B. was set way back in 2013 when I was leaner, keener and probably meaner. In fact 2013 was the last really good summer I had on a bike. Injury free and quiet work wise I really got the miles in after a professional bike fit at the start of the summer had allowed me to be comfortable on my road bike for the first time for years. I actually got a proper cyclists tan that year, felt fit and fast on and off-road and most probably set that time without really trying. I certainly wasn’t aiming for Strava times that summer, in fact most of the time I forgot to turn the app on my phone on when I went out riding.

My best time this year has been a rather slow 8.35, so the first order of business will be to get back to my own record before I can dream of setting my sights higher. Ben – I’m coming after you! (You probably don’t need to worry just yet though……….)